She's JV to your varsity
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Randomize
