Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Randomize
