whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize