the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
Randomize
