I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
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