you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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