There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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