Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
The beer is more important than you right now.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
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