I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Randomize
