there were more penises there than on chat roulette
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Houston, we have a squirter
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Randomize
