Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize