you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Randomize