i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
