Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
