I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Two words: blizzard sex
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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