Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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