im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
