11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
