I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Randomize
