No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
