Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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