D3 body, D1 cock
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
