There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
