So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize