Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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