jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Randomize
