My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
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