You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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