I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
