I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize