I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Randomize
