you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
