the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
