u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
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