Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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