well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
