Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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