Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Randomize
