I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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