listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Randomize
