You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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