so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
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