I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
