I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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