Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
