why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
