Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
