if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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