woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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