I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
