Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
