She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
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