You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
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