How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
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