he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
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