Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize