either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
