my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
