Me. At least after what I've been through.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Randomize
