I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
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