You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I want to fling myself into the sun
These tits shall not be calmed
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
dude. I can hear the air.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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