I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
