i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Blow job season was short but glorious.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
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