don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
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