Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Randomize
