just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
