i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Just puked most of my soul out..
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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